Creativity has been my outlet lately and I'm dying to write but I can't seem to find the words to express myself as needed. Tonight, I'm making myself find these words because if I don't... I may just implode.
I feel alone. I feel like I'm trying to breathe underwater and the more I try, the more trouble I have.
I hate that I don't know when I feel real joy or when I'm just pretending because I feel that my entire life has been one giant acting job.
I'm so scared about losing my dad. I'm so scared that my husband will find someone else who is better and more deserving of him.
I'm worried about all this shit that's going on with my body and I don't want to find out what is wrong with me because I'm scared that what I think is wrong, is really what's wrong...
I'm worried about losing my mom. I would die without her. I'm not a strong person. I only pretend to be.
I have so many things jumping around my head it's overwhelming me.
I'm just fucking scared and that is all.
I really fucking hate my cousin and anything associated with him. I want to tell my family how much I hate them for so easily brushing me aside and forgetting my existence.
I want to punch certain people in my family when they seemingly bring him up on purpose when I'm around... they do it like it's nothing. I hate it.
I can't tell anyone anything about how I feel because people get upset and can't let me just have my feelings. I'm not allowed to feel the way I want.
I'm fucked.
