my heart is broken. I have no idea what to do. I love my parents so much but I cannot begin to fix their ailments.
I don't even know what to say. I just know I need to write. I need to get something off my chest. I need to verbalize my feelings the best that I can for now...
I want my dad to feel better. If I could, I would take all his pain for him. I would do anything as long as it would give me more time with him.
All I want is good quality time with him. Why else would I wake up at 4:30 every morning if I didn't want that?
I love our time together in the mornings. I love spending afternoons with him on Monday and the weekends. I just want time. I want to pause time and spend as much as I can with my parents. I love them more than I could ever say. They are two of my best friends.
I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
an... update?
I've written two extremely long blogs today that I can't post. I can't finish my thoughts.
I'm bouncing from subject to subject...
This has been my problem and my reason for not blogging.
I can't say how I really feel because people get hurt.
People can't let me voice my feelings without getting upset at something I say.
So therefore I stopped writing these things down.
I stopped blogging although I have a shit ton to say.
I have to try to rewrite things to make them politically correct or make sure I'm not going to hurt anyone's feelings... therefore when I try to write I can't handle it. I can't handle editing myself.
That's just ridiculous.
My blog was my outlet... now I don't have it.
Here's the gist:
I'm celebrating my 3 year wedding anniversary with my husband.
I'm still bipolar.
I harbor a lot of anger toward about 95% of my family on my dad's side (I'm not sure of the math, I just know that it's more people than not)
I'm still anxious.
I still have flashbacks.
My body still hurts.
I can't expand on any of these things because I can't focus. Hurrah mania!
I'm bouncing from subject to subject...
This has been my problem and my reason for not blogging.
I can't say how I really feel because people get hurt.
People can't let me voice my feelings without getting upset at something I say.
So therefore I stopped writing these things down.
I stopped blogging although I have a shit ton to say.
I have to try to rewrite things to make them politically correct or make sure I'm not going to hurt anyone's feelings... therefore when I try to write I can't handle it. I can't handle editing myself.
That's just ridiculous.
My blog was my outlet... now I don't have it.
Here's the gist:
I'm celebrating my 3 year wedding anniversary with my husband.
I'm still bipolar.
I harbor a lot of anger toward about 95% of my family on my dad's side (I'm not sure of the math, I just know that it's more people than not)
I'm still anxious.
I still have flashbacks.
My body still hurts.
I can't expand on any of these things because I can't focus. Hurrah mania!
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