I've been on a blog posting hiatus. I will write on occasion but not make anything viewable because I fear hurting feelings by writing honest posts.
My birthday is on Monday and I hate my birthday as well as most holidays now because they serve as a reminder that my family chose that disgusting bastard over me.
I have fallen out of love with most people in my family because of this... now I just feel extreme anger, hatred and disgust when I think of them. It's pretty sad, but it's how it is.
I'm super depressed so I may sound extremely blunt or callous. I'm aware of this but I just don't care.
I wish that my life had been different. I wish that all the shit that happened to me during my developmental years didn't. I would trade all the creativity I have, for a normal brain. I hate that I've pretended to be happy or okay for so long that I'm not sure what it really feels like. I hate that when I choose to be honest about my feelings, everyone else gets hurt and then I'm left trying to comfort and coddle them.
I just want to be able to feel the way I feel without being made to feel guilty about it.
My brain never fucking turns off and my body fucking hurts. It's so frustrating.
I really want a puppy. Puppies make me happy.