31 Days of Halloween: The Rest of the Days...

   So I know I haven't been blogging about the movies I've been watching, but I watch.  I've been revisiting a lot of my favorites lately and some new movies.  I've watched most movies by myself but my husband and I did watch Let's Scare Jessica to Death which was a movie my parents got me a few years ago because it had my name in it and when I was little my dad used to freak me out after I watched it by whispering "Jessica" in this creepy voice like in the movie.
   I'm not really going to go in order but I'm going to name the movies I've watched, since I lost my list I'm hoping that I get them all in.  I revisited The Exorcist, Carrie and the remake of Friday the 13th and The Last House on the Left.  I finally watched Pet Sematary and The People Under the Stairs which I'd never seen before.  I know they came out like 20+ years ago but I'd never seen them.  I also watched Evil Dead (from 1984) and The Bride of Frankenstein from 1934.
   Of course Beetlejuice had to be watched because it had been years since I saw it.  I know it's not really a "scary" movie but I remember jumping and seeing some scary stuff when I was a kid.  I'm trying to get it all in but my netflix list is missing some of the movies I've watched lately so I'm trying to remember them all and it's kinda hard when it's been over 2 weeks since my last blog.
   I watched The Fourth Kind, which was an alien movie from a few years ago.  It was pretty freaky, aliens freak me out.  I do like watching Ancient Aliens though.  My mom and that dude have the same hair style.  I'm joking... kinda.
   There was also The Devil Inside which was hard to watch.  I don't know why I did. Oh!  My husband and I watched Don't Be Afraid of the Dark which had a few parts that made me jump.  I watched Dahmer and Lizzie which were really awful.  I mean Jeremy Renner is a good actor but it was hard to watch him in this role of Jeffrey Dahmer and know that a lot of that stuff actually happened.   Lizzie was just horrible.  It wasn't even historically accurate.  Since I was a kid I've watched tons of documentaries on Lizzie Borden so it wasn't hard to see the inaccuracies.
   I've also been catching American Horror Story: Coven on OnDemand.  SO effing good.  I've always loved a good witch story.  I started Dracula last night from OnDemand which seems to be pretty good so far.  Also, on the weekends since TV viewing is shitty late night, I've been watching Gossip Girl.  Although I know who GG is, thanks to Happy Endings, I still want to watch everything play out.
   I'm not sure what will be tonight's scary movie, I need to make it a good one since it's Halloween and all.  I've watched more movies on TV and stuff but I totally can't think.  A few were lifetime movies that I can't think of the names too.  Well, there's my update for now.  Sorry it took so long.  :\
   

31 Days of Halloween: Days 13, 14 and 15

   I promise you, I am NOT trying to be a slacker.  I've been under the weather the last few days so I've mostly been resting.  I've still watched my movies and been keeping up with that, just not feeling up to sitting at a computer and blog about them because moving hurts.

   So on Sunday The Walking Dead premiered and of course my husband and I watched that.  I LOOOVE Norman Reedus.  Then after that I watched The Awakening  which had my attention solely based on the title and the eerie looking woman.  I wondered if it had anything to do with Kate Chopin's and each time I passed it by while looking for movies, I grew more and more intrigued so I added it to my list.
   It was nothing like Kate Chopin's however, it was pretty creepy.  I'm not going to say I LOVED this movie or that I'd watch it again, but I'm not telling you this movie is a complete waste of time.  I liked it for what it was and the acting was pretty good too.  Nothing like that crappy Whaley House movie.
   Yesterday I decided to watch a good ol' classic with one of my favorite actors: Charade with the gorgeous Cary Grant.  I've only ever seen the ending of the movie and that was many years ago.  I love how dramatic Audrey Hepburn is and I also loved seeing Cary Grant in color.  What more can I say?  I love classics.
   Tonight I watched Rise of the Zombies with Danny Trejo and Ethan Suplee.  It made me feel good to see Ethan Suplee going from derpy fatty (My Name is Earl) to military hero since I've had a crush on him since his Boy Meets World days.  Mariel Hemingway was in this too and I can't remember if she was a good actress of not because she was shitting in this movie.  I'm pretty sure that was on purpose, the effects were pretty funny too.  You just have to watch it to know what I'm talking about.  I was interested in this movie throughout the entire thing despite the shoddy acting by M.H.  It had Levar Burton and French Stewart to pick up the slack.

   I've also finished the first Season of American Horror Story which I'm pretty sure is one of the creepiest tv shows I've ever watched.  Especially since we've had weird activity in this house... also today, the dogs treats fell into the trash can on their own and they were solidly sitting on the cat tree where we have them, no cats or dogs were around when I heard the crash.  So yeah, fuck you, scary movies. :|  But I'll continue on my quest to watch 31 scary movies.  :)

31 Days of Halloween: Days 10, 11 and 12

   My Grandma's funeral was on Thursday and we had a long day of crying and mourning and being around a lot of people.  We drove up to the mountains where my grandma was put to rest on the family ranch with my Grandpa and other family members.  

   When my husband and I got home, we were completely exhausted.  We had very little sleep the night before the funeral so we crashed very early.  I was awake off and on all evening.  I still had yet to watch my scary movie for the day, but I figured if I didn't watch it, I would miss my goal.  

   I picked one of the shorter movies on my list, The Haunting of Whaley House which had to be the most awful movie I've ever seen.  The acting was terrible, the scripting was terrible.  This movie sucked.  It was painful to watch.  I did however power through it, to say that I watched a movie.  I lost an hour and a half of sleep and my life to this terrible movie.  

   Friday night, I decided to watch an older movie that I'd never seen, The People Under the Stairs this too had terrible acting.  It was however interesting to see a bunch of people when they were younger, like the girl who played Rayanne from My So-Called Life and the guy from the milk commercial who takes a bite of a peanut butter sandwich and can't swallow to say "Aaron Burr" from a while back... among others.  There was a bright spot in the movie which was the rottie.  He was sooooo cute!  The effects that made this dog look "vicious" were laughable.  I guess in comparing to my mom's sweetie pie rottie, it's hard to see them as mean.  Then again, I rarely see dogs as bad.  

   Tonight's movie was actually good.  It was The House at the End of the Street with Jennifer Lawrence.  My husband and I watched together and we both enjoyed it.  He now has a new found admiration of J-Law.  I've enjoyed her since Katniss.  I recommend this one.  

So, I know I didn't blog daily as I was trying, but I am still meeting my movie goals.  It's just been a rough week.  

To Whom it May Concern:

I've been an emotional wreck for most of my life.  There are many wonderful memories I have, despite myself.  Some of the memories that I recall when I want to smile are seeing my great grandma making tortillas or stirring the chile on a Sunday morning.

I miss that.  I miss seeing my family members play yahtzee and make fun of each other.  I miss being with everyone before everything got so complicated.

I remember going to pick up my great grandma over the years for family dinner.  I would sit and watch a little TV with her and sometimes even help her get ready.  As we would drive, I would practice my spanish on her and she never made fun of me or corrected me.  I would ask her how to say something and she would simply tell me.  She never made fun of my accent and she never made me feel stupid for saying something incorrectly.  She was the only person I felt comfortable speaking to in Spanish.

If something pissed me off on the road, I would say something fueled with anger and she would nod and tell me "I know" or "yes" when I would ask her if she saw what just happened.  She never made me feel bad for anything I said.

I remember watching her crochet these beautiful blankets and I remember wishing that I could have one of her creations for myself.  When I got older, she was an inspiration in my desire to create.  I learned how to crochet with the help of my best friend and every time I made something, I couldn't help but think of her.  She would ask me what I was making and I would show her and she would nod her approval.

I've missed my grandma for quite sometime.  I missed her talking to me and I missed her understanding me.  I'm so lucky that I got to spend all the time I did with her because I am blessed to have these memories. I have thirty years with her in my life and I wish it could have been more, but life doesn't always give us what we want.

I hate that I have to say goodbye to someone that I loved so much.  I hate that I will never see her again.  Nothing will ever feel right.  As nothing ever feels right when someone is taken from you.

31 Days of Halloween: Day 9

   Tonight my husband and I continued my 31 Days of Halloween with Red State  which has one of my favorite actors, John Goodman.  This movie was so sickening.  I don't even know where to begin.  Let's just say, it pissed me off.  It was done well and the acting was really good, it had to be in order to bring out such emotion. I'm not sure which movie is next.  I still feel broken.

31 Days of Halloween: Days 7 and 8

I didn't feel like blogging yesterday because I didn't feel like moving.  I miss my great grandma and I'm having anxiety about saying goodbye and seeing certain family members. Oh and spoiler alert for Silent House.

With that said, I still have been watching my 31 days of Halloween challenge that I gave myself.  Yesterday I watched The Caller  and it was pretty effing creepy.  I enjoyed it, but today's movie: Silent House has been the only movie that I was actually felt that anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  As I continued to watch the movie, I found out why.   The main character and I have something in common.  We were both sexually abused by family members, her by her dad and uncle and me by my cousin.  That explained so much because I felt much sickened by the anxious feeling the movie gave me.  I caught myself not breathing and I stopped crocheting multiple times.

I feel a little better today than I did yesterday.  I made myself a pair of fingerless gloves with the yarn in my great grandmum's stash that was given to me.  I still don't feel complete, but I know things will take time.

31 Days of Halloween: Day 6 (plus a personal post)

   I'm still going with my 31 days of Halloween, I will talk about today's movie briefly and then discuss some other shit.  I watched Abandoned with Brittany Murphy.  I believe it was her last movie, filmed in 2009 before she passed on December 20th, 2009.  Dean Cain was also in it and he always plays an asshole.  This movie didn't really scare me.  It didn't really alarm me either.  I'm not paranoid about anything that happened in the movie.  I'm currently watching American Horror Story as I write this blog. This is more intense than most of the movies I've watched so far.

   Now, for more pressing issues.  With my Great Grandmum's passing, I've gone through a plethora of emotions not only with losing her, but in the fact that I am constantly in fear of running into my cousin.  Now, I've done a good job of dealing with this shit that happened to me, in fact, I've moved on quite a bit.  I've made terrific progress since I've stopped being around a good chunk of my family.  Some members of my family are triggers for me.  Simply staying away has helped me tremendously.
   However, with all that's going on, I've had to face my triggers but the biggest trigger is my cousin since he is the one who robbed me of a proper life.  I know that by saying that, it gives the illusion that I'm giving my cousin a lot of power, but I'm sure that anyone else who had gone through what I did would also consider him the asshole that stole a part of me, the innocent part that was forgiving, loving and full of life.  I am far from forgiving and I've decided that he is not worth forgiving.  Many people fuck up with me.  I never forget and I rarely forgive.  I'm not forgiven for the things I say on impulse, by myself or others.  It hurts to be me.
   Today, I was hurt by someone in my family for something careless they said that they apparently thought I was too fucking stupid to get the insinuation.  I left in a hurry, with anger in my heart.
   Disgusting Bastard's mother followed me out to see what was wrong.  I yelled at her and told her that the family chose when they allowed her fucking son to be privy to what was once something I treasured myself:  Being part of my family.  She told me that he was her son and even if he was a murderer she'd still love him.  This stuck with me, because in a way, he is a murderer.  He killed that innocent child I was.  He replaced her with this angry person that sits here today.  So yes, continue to love your disgusting son.  I never said you couldn't.  I just do NOT ever want to hear his name, his children's names or anything about him.  Remember that.
   The only people I need in my life are my husband, parents and the chosen family that I have selected to be a part of my life.  You guys know who you are, we are able to share things and you guys give me comfort that I am not alone.

31 Days of Halloween: Day 5

   Tonight, my husband and I watched The Perfect Host with David Hyde Pierce.  I loved him as Niles in Frasier, but his character in this movie was way different. He was so creepy.  I won't give too much away, but this movie totally wasn't what I expected.  It wasn't really "scary" per se, but it was creepy.  I liked it.  My husband liked it.

Despite everything that is going on, I am going to stick to my 31 days of Halloween. I appreciate the out pour of love and kind thoughts from everyone.

R.I.P Grandma GG

   I watched my movie for today, but I don't want that to be the main focus of this blog since I have other shit on my mind as well.  I will briefly discuss the movie, then I will get into more important things.
   It's funny too, because I have a lot I'd like to say about the movie but I won't.  I watched The Possession today and it was the first of the movies I've watched that actually kind of freaked me out.  I was surprised to see Matisyahu in it.  I love him.  I love his music and what he stands for.  I definitely recommend this movie for those who like exorcism movies.

   Now for more pressing subjects, today my aunt called me and I missed her call but there was no message so I called her back to find out what was up.  She said she wanted to know if I wanted to visit my great grandma (I've always just called her grandma) which was odd, because I just saw her Sunday and I would be going again on Sunday.  She told me that she had been non responsive and had shallow breathing.  My heart fell.  I feel like I'm broken.  I haven't lost a human family member in almost five years when my cousin passed away.
   I do not deal with death well because it gets me to my core.  I fear death so much.  I fear what comes after and I fear that I have not been a good enough person, although I try my hardest.  I am afraid of dying and I am afraid for those who die.  I like to think that my loved ones are still with me in some shape or form after they pass, but I also hate to think that they would be stuck here, rather than passing on.
   Now, I didn't get to visit my grandma for almost 3 months while I was waiting to heal with my legs.  I was afraid of driving because sometimes my legs don't want to work with me.  I hate that because of my stupidity in falling down the stairs, I lost so much time with my grandma.
   I hate that I'm a fucking gimpy cripple.
   I have to now possibly see people that I don't want to because everyone is visiting my grandma.  I understand that people will be there, but I still don't have to like it or those that I have written out of my life.  I'm not going to not see my grandma because I dislike a good chunk of people in my family, I will just deal with it and all the shit that comes with it.
   My heart hurts.  I do not know what else to say because I feel like curling up in a ball and crying.  I want to hold on to my parents and husband and never EVER let them go.


As I was writing this blog, I got a call from my aunt to let me know that my grandma has passed on.  My husband and I went to say our goodbye and while we were there, my angry heart let go of my anger for one night to hug all those in sight.  Even those that I have written out of my life.

I know one thing for sure, I AM broken.  I have to rebuild again.

My grandma was 95 years old.

When I was 15, I used to pick her up to take her to family dinner night.  She never said anything to me about cussing and being an angry driver.  I did this every Wednesday for as long as we had family dinner.  We no longer do this, but these memories are memories I will always cherish.  I have all my grandmum's unused yarn and unfinished projects.  I will think of her every time I make something with love and yarn.

31 Days of Halloween: Day 3

My husband and I watched The Cabin in the Woods today and I have to say, I did pretty well.  The idea was scary, and the effects were pretty good.  Wasn't what I thought it would be.  I wasn't scared though.
   This is actually becoming easier than I thought, maybe because I was watching with my husband for the last couple days.   Tomorrow I will be watching by myself because CW usually doesn't watch TV on Fridays, he pretty much does his own thing while I watch a gaggle of stupid shit, tomorrow's stupid shit will be a scary movie of some sort.  Not sure what I will watch though.
   I also finished a few projects as well.  I really need to work on Deborah and Cherubs birthday presents soon.  It will be Stephy and Kim's birthdays before I know it and I will be like WHAAAA?  haha I also need to start Festivus gift making.
   I had lunch and tea with my grandmum and aunt today.  It was nice.  I helped them with their kindles and even got a few books to read.  Gramoo pretty much knows, any book she gives me, becomes mine.  I do not return.  I like book trophies.  LOVE books.

31 Days of Halloween: Day 2

   Today my husband and I watched Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and I started watching the first season of American Horror Story.  My husband watched a little with me, but he was in and out of the room.
   First off, I really liked Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter in book version, there was of course, a lot of shit left out of the movie, but it was still pretty decent since Seth Grahame-Smith wrote both the screen play and the book.  I understand not everything can be put on the big screen that's in books so I wasn't too pissy the way I get at some movies.
   I liked the special effects a lot, I think that the vampires were gross, so I guess we're ok.  The action was intense but the movie wasn't really "scary" to me.  I guess maybe because I knew what to expect?  All in all, I dug it, but it's something I could've watched by myself and not shit myself.
   Now, American Horror Story was pretty effing weird and I can see some parts freaking me out if I were to watch it at night.  My parents are addicts and I'm sure if we would have had FX when it first started coming on tv, that I would've watched it every week as well, now we have FX and I definitely want to watch the new one.  I've always been intrigued by witches and whatnot.  So let's see.
   So far, I'm not having problems with this movie thing, but I'm only two days in. :)

31 Days of Halloween: Day 1

   I had a cup of hot apple cider and watched Nosferatu a little while ago and might I say, I have a few observations.  I wasn't scared the way I normally am during a scary movie, but I did have that eerie feeling.  Max Shreck was really a good creeper.  He looked effing disgusting in the movie and after watching SyFy's Face Off for the last few years, I think they did pretty well with the make up that Count Orlok was in.
   I found a few things humorous with the movie, such as the "werewolf" being a hyena.  I also found myself thinking "wow, this is terrible overacting" in some parts.  I did however, take it for what it was, a classic, early adaption and I think that had I not been spoiled with the scary shit we have today, I would have been scared by this if I saw it during it's release.
   The music helped.  I do have to say, it was pretty disturbing.   I also enjoyed the odd cutting of the film where the characters would be in one place, then suddenly in another.
   Day 1 of 31 Days of Halloween was pretty smooth.  I can't really complain about it.  I'm glad I got to watch a silent movie for the first day.  It only feels right to start with a classic.
   Tomorrow is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter which is going to be something I watch with my husband.  Let's see how it compares to the book!