Wednesday, March 30, 2016

World Bipolar Day

Yes, today is World Bipolar Day.  It's kind of an important day for me.  It's a day when those of us affected by this illness get to share our stories with each other and the world.

Every day is a struggle for me.  Not only is my brain sick, but my body is too.

There isn't one day that goes by that I'm not in pain.  I've learned to live with it.  It's just one of those things you have to do.  If I acknowledged every bit of pain, I'd never get to do anything or think of anything else.  It really sucks.  I don't always say anything but it's there.  It frustrates me so much because I'm only 33 but my body feels so much older.

I have problems sleeping, which is something I've always struggled with.  One, I can't ignore those demons that haunt me eveen I sleep and two, most bipolar people have this struggle and three, I'm pretty sure it's a genetic predisposition as well.

I know my issues aren't more than anyone else's but to me, they are huge.  I try not to acknowledge every little thing I suffer with, but it all makes every fucking day so hard.

I miss writing.  I miss it so much.  I just find concentrating so hard.

I'm also afraid of writing something and hurting someone I love.  I just wish that I could be normal. I really would give up every creative bone i have just to feel normal. I'm tired of having a sick brain and body.