Sometimes I wonder if people who are mentally ill that commit suicide do so because their illness causes physical pain and living with that pain becomes too overwhelming and they just want it to stop.
I want lots of things to stop. I want to stop feeling like shit. I want to stop being so angry. I wAnt to stop being so anxious. I want to stop having nightmares. I want to stop being me.
So often I feel like I need to cry but I spend so much time crying. Yet, I don't remember any of it.
I hate being around the negative energy that my parents often project when they are around each other. I hate the fact that I can't write this without my dad hearing about it and then becoming upset with my honesty. I hate the fact that I've lost my writing outlet because my parents found out about my blog so now I have to write in secret and keep everything bottled up.
I hate that I can't save all the animals in the world and that there will be some that never know love.
I hate that those who hurt children don't have harsher punishments.
I'm angry. I'm hateful. I want to be able to say what I'm really feeling.... but I can't. I'm stifled.