Sunday, October 6, 2013

31 Days of Halloween: Day 6 (plus a personal post)

   I'm still going with my 31 days of Halloween, I will talk about today's movie briefly and then discuss some other shit.  I watched Abandoned with Brittany Murphy.  I believe it was her last movie, filmed in 2009 before she passed on December 20th, 2009.  Dean Cain was also in it and he always plays an asshole.  This movie didn't really scare me.  It didn't really alarm me either.  I'm not paranoid about anything that happened in the movie.  I'm currently watching American Horror Story as I write this blog. This is more intense than most of the movies I've watched so far.

   Now, for more pressing issues.  With my Great Grandmum's passing, I've gone through a plethora of emotions not only with losing her, but in the fact that I am constantly in fear of running into my cousin.  Now, I've done a good job of dealing with this shit that happened to me, in fact, I've moved on quite a bit.  I've made terrific progress since I've stopped being around a good chunk of my family.  Some members of my family are triggers for me.  Simply staying away has helped me tremendously.
   However, with all that's going on, I've had to face my triggers but the biggest trigger is my cousin since he is the one who robbed me of a proper life.  I know that by saying that, it gives the illusion that I'm giving my cousin a lot of power, but I'm sure that anyone else who had gone through what I did would also consider him the asshole that stole a part of me, the innocent part that was forgiving, loving and full of life.  I am far from forgiving and I've decided that he is not worth forgiving.  Many people fuck up with me.  I never forget and I rarely forgive.  I'm not forgiven for the things I say on impulse, by myself or others.  It hurts to be me.
   Today, I was hurt by someone in my family for something careless they said that they apparently thought I was too fucking stupid to get the insinuation.  I left in a hurry, with anger in my heart.
   Disgusting Bastard's mother followed me out to see what was wrong.  I yelled at her and told her that the family chose when they allowed her fucking son to be privy to what was once something I treasured myself:  Being part of my family.  She told me that he was her son and even if he was a murderer she'd still love him.  This stuck with me, because in a way, he is a murderer.  He killed that innocent child I was.  He replaced her with this angry person that sits here today.  So yes, continue to love your disgusting son.  I never said you couldn't.  I just do NOT ever want to hear his name, his children's names or anything about him.  Remember that.
   The only people I need in my life are my husband, parents and the chosen family that I have selected to be a part of my life.  You guys know who you are, we are able to share things and you guys give me comfort that I am not alone.

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