I rarely drink anymore. I don't like the hangover feeling so I just kind of stopped drinking. I went from an every day activity to pretty much nothing. I used to drink because I needed something to sleep. I used to drink till I passed out and wasn't even trying to enjoy anything. I just wanted to forget everything and go into a black sleep.
When CW and I first started dating, we would drink together and it didn't even occur to me how much I was self medicating. Since we've been together, I don't have as big a problem falling asleep when we go to bed together. There are still nights when I don't want to sleep, but I do.
Tonight, tonight is different. I need a drink. My heart is breaking into a million pieces and I can't say why quite yet. It has nothing to do with my marriage, so please don't think that. I will say more when the time is right. I'm going back to the place I went when I needed something to soothe the pain just a little. My go to place used to be cutting, but I'm afraid to do that because of the ITP so I guess in some ways having that has helped...
I'm super depressed and I have a shitload on my mind. I've been practicing my knitting to keep my mind and hands a little busy. But yes, tonight it is a 2 drink minimum...
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